Writers Anonymous

January 26, 2012


My family is intimately familiar with addiction. It’s imbedded in our DNA along with large noses and a love for pizza and music. Writing this piece gave me some perspective on the dis-ease:

Is your entire life centered on the current article, poem, play or novel you are writing or the next piece you are going to write? Are you forever manipulating and scheming to find time to read, write and rewrite? Are you deluged by dialogue and preoccupied with plot? Do you write to live and live to write? If this sounds familiar, you may need Writers Anonymous! If you can say ‘yes’ to at least 4 of the below, please contact your local Writers Anonymous group and get the support you need before it’s too late:

1. You have decided to stop writing for a week or so, but only lasted a few days.

2. You have renewed your library card but allowed your driver’s license to expire.

3. You have periodically stopped cooking meals and neglected your partner or children in favor of writing ‘just one more’ paragraph.

4. You have been arrested for an OUI (Operating Under the Influence of Inspiration), which occurs when a writer fervently scribbles notes while simultaneously attempting to drive a motor vehicle.

5. You would prefer a gift certificate to Barnes & Noble to food or sex.

6. You remember the title and author of the first book you read and the first byline you received, but not your first kiss.

7. You write alone.

8. You have been discovered writing at work and received a written warning for ‘Misuse of company time’. You have sent the warning back to your supervisor after having corrected their grammar and added sidebars.

9. You don’t know where your children are but you have already outlined what your characters are doing and where they are going.

10. You have switched from one genre to another in the hope that it will make you more marketable and increase sales.

11.You have experienced blackouts while writing, where you loose track of time.

12. Your current partner informs you they have had it with your lack of attention and are leaving in five minutes to begin their new life with their new lover. Immersed in your second rewrite, you respond with a distracted, “Could you get me some fries with that? Thank you so much, honey’.

13. Your neighbor is suing you after having recognized their dysfunctional existence in Chapter five of your new book.

14. You have stopped being invited to family functions because they recognized themselves in Chapter’s Two, Three and Four.

Twelve steps may not be enough to overcome this addiction or set your feet firmly on the road to recovery, but it’s an admirable beginning.

Remember, it’s One Word At a Time!

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4 Responses to “Writers Anonymous”

  1. LindaE Says:

    Hah, love #7!

    Yeah! let’s start a WA group for sure, coffee later? how about wine?


  2. What a funny piece! Also, thank you for following Time is Short, Jayni. I can certainly learn a lot from your writing.

  3. jayni Says:

    You are welcome, Scott. Time IS Short and thank you for reminding everyone. God Bless. Wonderful blog.


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